Demystifying Male Infidelity

In his male infidelity talk, Shmuley Boteach posits that men have affairs as a means of elevating their low self-esteem.

Boteach's Broken Male Thesis suggests that men are often made to feel inadequate about their professional or financial success, or lack thereof. In consequence, they engage in extramarital affairs in order to feel like less of a failure.

Boteach argues that, in a healthy relationship, a wife can be, "one of the great pillars of his sense of self, his self-esteem." However, men who feel empty and lack a sense of self-worth to begin with, look elsewhere for affirmation. Why is this so? Why can't they gain a sense of value and self-worth from their wives? The answer, according to Boteach, is simple: "If I think of myself as a giant zero, then the woman dumb enough to marry me is a zero squared." In other words, men transfer their broken sense of self to their wives; they turn their intelligent, attractive and accomplished partners, and diminish them to the point that they reflect the same nothingness the men feel about themselves. Adultery, then, is not necessarily about sex or variety in sexual partners, but a sense to reconcile the broken self with external affirmation.